Why I Write About Brown Elves

A few weeks ago, an author I respect (who is a shade of brown, not pure bleached white like my almost-aryan ass) said something like this: "I don't like brown elves." That was explained by a belief that tradition is important, and her European ancestry was just as important as her native american culture -- but mixing the two waters them both down. Elves are a European myth. Therefore they are white, and should remain so. Extrapolating, we should not change or use other culture's mythologies in ways they have not been used before, approved by dead people.

Obviously, I disagree. The author in question is of two ancestries. She had to have grown up in a household that celebrated both. And were they watered down? Have both cultures been lost, their importance and history ruined by impure mixing and changing? Since she professes to value them both, I doubt it.

The title of this piece references a wonderful essay by Terry Brooks: Why I Write About Elves. If you've never read it, you should before you go any further. (although the amazon shlick sheen on the essay is new. And unlikeable)

TL;DR. Terry Brooks writes fantasy because fantasy, like Science Fiction (albeit SF is more direct) speaks about the real world, and real issues. But spirituality and culture are real. Racism is real. And yet these are stories that SF rarely engages in, because they are less tech-focused. And nobody cares what colour you are when you can just change it at any time.

But fantasy has all of that. Fantasy, with its medieval trappings, is full of our modern cultural values, our beliefs and superstitions, and our racism. Arab authors complain of overuse of "those people in the east who wear turbans and live in the desert and abuse their women" in the fantasy genre. The entire Forgotten Realms universe is a shining example: to the East, lies "the Orient."

Keeping elves white only adds to this problem. Segregating fantasy to protect real-world cultural identity isn't the solution to cultural misappropriation. If you've never heard the term "cultural appropriation" it basically means this: The West, esp white americans, are stealing from cultures (most offensively Native American and Asian groups) by wearing headdresses or calling themselves redskins, or forcing anyone who uses a katana to speak with a fake japanese accent (transformers). The argument against this is that anyone who isn't from that culture shouldn't be using these clothing items or saying things a certain way or whatever.

The argument for is mostly "we're all post-racist and so we should all be able to share! this is America, melting pot of the world where we all come together equally!"

I'd really like the argument for to be true, but it's not. The world is not post-racist. America is not post-racist. One look at how Arabs in the West are treated and you see that cultural emnity and the racism borne of that are alive and well. Our cultures are clashing, and we have no idea how to reconcile them.

Except we do. Every child with parents from two different cultures should know that. Every child from parents of ONE culture should know that. Culture is ephemeral, and is different from home to home. You may share one thing or another, and the distances may grow wider the farther you go from your home, but this is the digital age now. We are all connected, we are all flying around in airplanes to every part of the world, and everyone lives everywhere. Even our animals are "invading" where they weren't before.

Because we brought them.

All this makes it all the more important to write about brown elves.

I treat my cultural appropriations in fantasy novels like I treat tattoo ideas. With rules.

1. Does this fit who I am (what this novel is about)
2. Can I explain why I have this tattoo (is the reason for this use compelling)
3. Does this do harm (does this use reinforce negative stereotypes, either actively or passively)
4. Would I do this exact same thing with a cultural relic of a culture I am closer to? Eg: Would you dress up in a headdress but not a pope-hat? If so: you suck, go die. Or realize you're wrong. Either one.
5. IS IT AWESOME: Y/N (this is really the most important one)

The world I created in Leylined is one of many cultural leftovers. They are clustered in strange ways, and have mixed and moved throughout. Just like me. I have lived many places, and will live in many more. I have learned many languages, and eaten foods from many countries. I am white, I am male, and I am more than that.

We must recognize when we are stealing from a culture, and when we are celebrating hand in hand. When I make fun of christianity, I must be ready to do the same to Islam, or even Buddhism (tho it's pretty hard to poke fun at buddhism. OHM) When I celebrate the rich culture of native american mythology, I must be ready to admit that christianity had some cool myths too.

Educate yourself on the context of your use. Don't just put angry turban wearing brown people in your deserts wielding scimitars. Learn why those clothes are worn instead of others. Learn why those people look the way they do -- there are many brown people across the earth, and they all look different, just like us poor ass paleskins. We're all human, and in fifty years I hope our kids are all as hot as this foretelling says they will be.

Will it be wrong to write about brown elves then? And white genies? Will anyone care?

Know what you're doing. Realize why you're doing it. And if it's for awesome, if it does awesome, if you know why it's awesome, then keep on truckin'. If it's because of stereotypes, if it reinforces cultural emnity (and not for plot reasons), if it leads to lesser understanding for the reader if not more, then drop it. Change it. You choose every word with care. Now choose your settings.

I don't put every character in a headdress. In fact, I haven't so far. But when I do, it's gonna be great, and they're gonna wear it right.

Camp Nanowrimo! Newbie's Guide/Motivation for all!

Camp! Camp starts tomorrow! No, not the kind you end up getting lots of rashes from (I hope). It's the kind where you get together with some people, prance about like you have laser eyes, and make a lot of beautiful stories! Or ugly ones, you know, it's all your choice in the end.

If you've never heard of NaNoWriMo, or the more relaxed CampNaNoWriMo well, click on the links for maximum information. As a quick synopsis, you're challenged to write 50,000 words in a month, which averages out to 1,337 per day. LEET per day. That's the number you need. Remember that. Because to succeed makes you ELITE. (shut up if this is wrong I don't want to hear it)

I would wager that about 99% of people who have read a book have thought "I'd like to write a book!" and then about 90% of them go "meh, too hard" and never try, and another 9% go "okay i'll give it a shot" try and give up, and then you have the 1% left over that is like EFF YEAH IMMA WRITE BOOKS GET OUTTA MY WAY NEXT MAYA ANGELOU COMIN THROUGH.

YOU are that 1% if you choose to undertake Nano. Camp begins tomorrow. 30 days, you set your own goal, you're put into a nice happy cabin with some nice happy people who will talk at you (hopefully) about your book and be cheerleaders when you need them. You can be a part of a population like those billionaires who screw over our every waking moment god i hate those capitalist schwine why don't we live in utopia space blahWERIHAORHEAWNT SORRY!

Okay back to the writing. The point is, so many people say they're going to start a novel, write a story, do any creative endeavour, and they never do.

Right now, if you're one of those people, because we all were at one point, today is the day you can change that. You know the story you want to write -- it's been sitting in there for a long time. Camp is a place of freedom. Whatever you want to write, be it a 500 word long love poem to rocks or a 500,000-word methamphetamine fueled mega epic, you can do it. Starting tomorrow, starting tonight, just open up a word processor, and write. If you need help, well, if you're reading this you're probably on twitter, so just find @fridaynightwrites, me, @thesprintshack, @nanowordsprints (these guys will be running nearly 24/7) for wordsprints and motivation, or pop on the nanowrimo forums (though don't spend TOO long there. You are supposed to be writing :D)

For example, I'm writing 20,000 words of short stories, which I think is a low target but I missed my 50k goal in March (for that project :P) so I want to make sure I get a success this time, and feel prosperous. Don't feel bad about setting reasonable goals. You don't need to aim for the heavens just to crash and burn. You can take a little hop first. Camp is a good time to hop. November. Well, that's for the heavens. NOVEMBER IS NO JOKE.

For those of you who have done it before, which I think will be most of the people reading this (SO WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER *sobs*) here is my new suggestion that I have been trying to cultivate myself. Writing everywhere. Now I don't really do that, but it's something I want. So I move around when I am writing. Usually I work at my makeshift standing desk (you may have seen the "Writer Pose" photo) but I gravitate from the backyard to the park to the library; changes of scenery can be helpful. They can also be troublesome, but that's what I'm trying to work on. So if you've won nano before, but you want to add some spice to your writing life, try standing, try walking and narrating to your phone, try writing from a different posture or a pose. Routine can be amazing, and make you incredibly productive, but you don't want your brain to be completely on rails. (No offense, Madi) It's good to be flexible.

Okay, I love you all. I'm very excited to be writing something other than #Leylined for what feels like millenia, and I'm really excited to see what you all come up with. Make me proud, and see you on the interwebs!

SHORT STORY SHUFFLE TIMMEEEEE!

Alas, alack! Has it really been two weeks? Two weeks since we shuffled up the hat and handed out all those ridiculous prompts? For those not in the know, two weeks ago everyone submitted a character, a setting and an object, and I shuffled them all up and handed them back out. We all wrote 1-5k stories on those premises, and the results are due today! (though some sent them to me early. Damn do gooders)

I've seen a few, but the rest I've yet to read, but already I can tell this was a great exercise. It's awesome to see all your different writing styles and how you all dealt with being handed random prompts. I enjoyed trying to sound like a 13 y/o, and trying out a new style of writing a story (for me). Please find below links to all the stories on folk's blogs, or in the comments if they didn't have a blog. I hope you enjoy this little adventure and join in when we run this next time :D

Without further ado:

Mine! (muahaha most important): Texts from Last Dimension
Marie! The Attic
SE! That Time with the Drone and the Fence
Cel! Flugelhorn of the Void
Melanie! The Cave of Wonders
Tia! The Knife

More to come as they get sent to me :D

From Lisa (@lkajue) a story since the comments are being buttheads and her blog is dead.

It was midnight. Rain crashed against the windows of the house on the hill. It looked new, but it had been standing on that hill for at least a hundred years. At the bottom of the hill were three teenagers - fourteen year old Amy, fourteen year old Lizzy and fifteen year old Robin. They should have been at Lizzy's house, curled up and watching movies, but instead they had sneaked out of her window and travelled to the hill.
Amy smiled to herself. It had been her idea to visit the haunted house on the hill and she definitely wasn't going to regret it.
They climbed up the hill. It was steep, and Amy started to wonder if they were ever going to get to the top.
Finally, they got to the top, and they opened the doors to adventure.
Inside, the house was cold, empty and sent an unpleasent chill racing all over Amy's body. She bit her lip and swallowed.
"Are we going to go in or not?" Robin said. "Or are you too scared to now?" The teasing tone of her voice made Amy want to slap her right around her face, even though she was one of her best friends, and had been for a very long time.
"Yeah, we are." Amy said. Her heart was drumming against her rib cage, but she was determined to go in and prove that she wasn't a scaredy cat.
"Well, come on, then!"
Amy led the way into the house. When all three of them were inside, the door slammed shut behind them, making them jump. Amy's heart continued to thump against her ribs and looked down the long corridor that sent more unpleasent shivers down her spine. There was a door just in front of them, so she went to open it. It was jammed shut. She turned back around and realised that Lizzy and Robin were at the bottom of the stairs.
"We're going to go upstairs." Lizzy said. "Do you want to come with us?"
"No. I'm going to stay down here and explore."
"Okay."
Lizzy and Robin went upstairs and Annie walked to the end of the corridor. She started to wish that she had gone upstairs with Lizzy and Robin because not only was the place absolutely freezing cold, but it was also really, really creepy. All she could hear was her heartbeat and her feet as they seemed to crash against the floor with every step she took. She couldn't breathe properly. Finally she got to the end of the corridor and managed to pull open the heavy door that was in front of her.
It was an empty room. The only things in there was a bright red sofa, which looked so old and so decript that Amy was incredibly surprised that someone hadn't come to take it away, and a figurine of the frilled dinosaur from Jurassic Park. She went over and picked it up, thinking that it might belong to someone when there was a terrible scream.
Annie ran upstairs. In a small, dirty room was Robin, who was pale and shaking tied to a chair and Lizzy, who was being held by a strange looking man and had a knife pressed to her throat.
Amy stormed into the middle of the room and shrieked, "Who are you? What are you doing? What do you want?"
"Never mind that!" the man spat. "What are you doing here?! Have you told anyone about me?!"
"No - no, I don't even know who you are! Why would I tell anyone about you?!"
"Good! Now come over here!"
Amy stared at him, wondering what on earth he wanted, and then she slowly made her way over to him. She shivered like she had never shivered before and wished that she hadn't suggested this stupid adventure.
She thought the man might just be wanting to talk to her, maybe he would tell her who he was and then let the three of them go, but it turned out that that was definitely not what he wanted. He launched himself at her, but he didn't get very far. His form began to change and in a moment, he was a ghost.
"Oh my God, he's a ghost!" Amy exclaimed.
"Why the hell is there a ghost here!" Robin exclaimed, trying to get out of her bonds - and failing.
"Never mind that!" the ghost yelled. He launched at them again, but Amy managed to get out of his way. She fell onto the floor and felt a shooting pain in her leg. She clenched the figurine in her hand and them she threw it at the ghost. It flew through him and he laughed.
"Did you really think that was going to work?" he laughed.
He moved forwards and Amy tried to move back, but she seemed to be stuck to the same spot on the floor.
Just then, the sun rose and poured into the window. A moment later, the ghost disappeared.
"What - what just happened?" Lizzie asked.
"I don't know." Amy said. "We - we need to get out of here."
Lizzie and Amy managed to untie Robin and they went back to the house. All the way there, all Amy could think about was that the ghost hadn't killed her or her friends.
The next day, Amy did some research on the ghost that had almost killed her and her friends. She found out that the ghost was a man called Roy Bell, who had first raped his victims and then killed them by hitting them over the head with a very large mallet. Then he would go and hide them in the woods near his house, marking their graves with a cross made out of teeth that he had pulled from his victims, though he never used teeth from the person that he was burying because he knew that that would make it easier for the police to identify who was hidden away.
He had died before he could be arrested after he had been poisoned by a relative of one of his victims. It turned out that the house that he had been haunting was the house where he stayed after he had killed someone. When she read that, it occurred to Amy that if they had walked past the house, they might have stumbled on a grave.

Friday Review: Ancillary Justice

Hey folks! I finished another book that didn't make my soul weep, so here's a friday review! For your reading pleasure, I give you a hopefully well-reasoned review of a book that's been seeing a lot of reviews recently:

ANCILLARY JUSTICE

by Anne Leckie

Now, I'm not usually that much of a fan of first person novels. Personal preference. They all sound about the same to me unless the character has a really distinct voice. I picked this book up and (having just read a 1st person novel) couldn't bear it again, especially since the introduction starts you off with pretty much no information whatsoever. However, I came back to it, and I'm glad I did. The MC is both a starship, Justice of Toren and not a ship, as the book takes place across two different time periods which eventually converge. The book's title is made obvious when you learn that starships contain "Ancillaries" -- corpse soldiers slaved to a ship's AI and given superhuman implants. The two timelines contain the ship as is, full of ancillaries, and the future where all that is left is one, and no ship to be found.

This is a book about identity, and the entirety of the book is centred around that premise. What it means to be an individual, what it means to have identity, the little bits and pieces that make us unique, discrete units, distinguishable from other humans or even animals. The Radchaai, the semi-Roman empire whom the Justice of Toren (human name "Breq") serves, is ruled by the Lord of the Radch, a multiple individual with thousands of instances across the empire. The Radch have only one gender (she) and Radchaai often have difficulty determining the proper gender pronouns for non-Radch humans. I found this interesting and fairly novel, mostly in the fact that since this was a 1st person novel, I had no real way to imagine which gender people she was talking to were. There are hints, with non-Radch humans telling the MC she got it wrong, but at times this was a bit anachronistic, since the MC had been a human in non-Radch space for a long time, I would have figured that she'd learn, but I liked the idea from both a moral and literary standpoint. It was interesting to see my brain do flips when certain characters were revealed to be "male." 

There's a lot of fine worldbuilding in Ancillary Justice, all much deeper than what we've gleaned from the end of the book. The characters are vivid, full of life, and the author's depiction of life within an aggressive expansionist empire nearing the end of its expansion is extremely interesting. I always appreciate when the "bad guys" are given a closer look. This book was kind of like reading from an immortal Stormtrooper's perspective. 

If you're wondering why I haven't mentioned any plot, that's because there wasn't really much of one up until about halfway through the novel, when we discover why the future, singular version of the MC (Breq) is on a desolate icy planet. The pace picks up significantly, although at one point an entire novel's worth of action linking the two timelines is given about four sentences, but I understand that books can't all be a million pages long. 

Given Breq/Justice of Toren's pretty much impossible goals, the ending of the book was about what I expected. Half-success, setup for a sequel. I had actually been hoping that this book was a standalone novel, but I'm okay with it being part of a series, although I actually mostly enjoyed the ships multi perspective 1st person, possible because it can look through all its ancillaries' eyes, and that's something that will be lost in following books. 

If you're looking for a super action packed thrillride this book is not that. If you are looking for an interesting dialogue on individuality, morality and free will that happens to include pretty awesome spaceships and a very interesting universe, then this book is for you. Ancillary Justice knows what it's trying to say, how it's saying it, and it doesn't deal with all the extra fluff. Everything in this book is for a point, an idea, and one that I think is fully expressed at its end. And that, combined with an interesting look at character development from the inside and out, makes this book worth a read.

ONE WORD REVIEW:                                                                             B/W/D?

NEW                                                                                                          BUY

THE HAT BEEN SHUFFLED YO

I have shuffled the hat, the shuffling has been done!

The results are as follows. It's possible but unlikely that you got one of your own prompts. No one should have two of their own; if that happened and I didn't notice somehow we'll do a swap. Now, all of these should feature prominently in your story, hopefully as plot related objects, main settings and main characters, but if you really get stuck then you should just get creative. The point is to have some fun and use some random shit. We've given you some tidbits to start, and I know you all will come up with some absolutely hilarious stories.

You have TWO WEEKS to write a 1k-5k short story using your prompts. I suggest  you post them on your own blogs, and I will link them all in a post on here. If you don't have one, we'll post it up here. I look forward to seeing what you all create! (and I feel bad for some of you with your prompts XD cough cough cait reynolds)

MADISON DUSOME:

CHARACTER: A grizzled, no nonsense explorer
SETTING: A cruise ship in quarantine because everyone is infected (with flu?)
OBJECT: A sleeping bag

MELANIE FRANCISCO:

CHARACTER: A book-hating librarian
SETTING: A cave of wonders with no apparent exit
OBJECT: The wrong suitcase

LISA: 

CHARACTER: A chirpy teenager
SETTING: A haunted but renovated townhouse
OBJECT: A dilophosaurus (that frilled dinosaur from Jurassic Park)

THE PROVOCATIVE ONE:

CHARACTER: A pirate's parrot (make sure this is the MC, somehow!)
SETTING: The craziest possible place you can fit a roller derby
OBJECT: A ball of yarn

S. E. Lehenbauer:

CHARACTER: Man who has no memory of his life before age 10 who also fears soup
SETTING: Closed church from the 1600's
OBJECT: An EMP generator

CAIT REYNOLDS: 

CHARACTER: A dead gorilla (make this the MC if you can!)
SETTING: The bottom of the ocean
OBJECT: A ball

TWYNED EARTH: 

CHARACTER: A five-year old who thinks they are a ninja
SETTING: A spaceship
OBJECT: A flugelhorn!

DANIELLE COURCELLES: 

CHARACTER: A janitor who was something else
SETTING: An engineering office
OBJECT: Three golden bananas

MELINDREA:

CHARACTER: Lesbian roller derby girl
SETTING: An attic
OBJECT: A low-quality statue/figurine

TIAKALL

CHARACTER: A male rock star who used to be a nurse
SETTING: A beach
OBJECT: A knife

AND LAST I TAKE THE DREGS

CHARACTER: A 13 year-old girl
SETTING: A french chateau
OBJECT: A pen case

A little game.

Hello everyone!

I'd like to play a little game. A writing game, for fun and greater expertise. One that we can all enjoy and have some fun with. One that will hopefully teach us all something good about making engaging plots and working with other characters and settings that we normally might not touch.

Here's the setup:

In the comments, you will sign up by saying you're signing up in whatever way seems appropriate. "Hell yeah! I'm in! Go fuck yourself!" All of these are good. You will then provide three things:

1. A Character: This can be vague like, "A fireman" or specific "Lucy Jones, a weary stock trader just a few weeks from retirement.
2. A Setting: Time and/or place, an alien planet, an asteroid, 18th century Paris, a paleolithic cave in north Africa, 40 Million AD, etc.
3. An Object: Could be an apple, could be a priceless vase, could be a starship. Whatever you desire, and the author chooses its importance to the story.

After I've collected a few of these (hopefully there's more than one of you!) I will randomize them, juggle my digital sack, and redistribute the characters and settings and objects back to you. We will then write stories! All genres accepted, whatever you want. I suggest something inbetween 1-5k, depending on how crazy people get. We'll take two weeks (starting this Sunday) to write our stories, no real worries about the editing, and then come back on Feb 15th to share and go crazy-go-nuts! :D

I hope you guys are excited about this, because I think it will be a fun, fun time. To start things off, here are my 3:

1. A janitor who used to be something else.
2. The bottom of the ocean. (ours or some other)
3. Three golden bananas.

Lets play! 

#PitchParty WINNEERRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

#Nanopals, it's time. Time for the decision of the century. I'm sure you've all been holding your breath and are now dead because it's been like a week, people, come on. Don't be silly. I was unable to get my judges to respond in time, so in the end it has come down to the IMPERIAL STICK. There also seems to be some technical issues, because I cannot find the #PitchParty tweets from Jan. 4th on any timeline. They're gone! So I'm randomly picking one of the tweeters for victory.

The entries were all excellent, and made me look like a burrito full of horseshit. I'm so thrilled that everyone came in and commented -- did you know there were 52 fricken comments on this? That's a lot of feedback! This was once again an awesome exercise and I wish all of you people were near me physically. Second life is too creepy to hang out in, so that's off the table.

I had my personal favourites but consensus is consensus, and brief polls and the comments will confirm that @tiakall is the assured victor of the 100-word pitch contest. Her pitch, here again:

Reina, a girl searching for her missing parents, starts in a place most wouldn't expect: a magical realm. Transported by accident, she stumbles up against a vicious demon of destruction who may have the clue she needs. Reina teams up with a flamboyant fairy and embarks on a journey to find out if, in order to save her family, she must destroy the demon... or save him.

This is some dense writing. You know a lot about why, where, and how shit's gonna go down, without actually knowing any details. Plus, who doesn't like fairies? And saving demons? Who's heard of such a thing?? Seriously though, I'm a huge sucker for evil creatures being made semi-good. There's a quest to save her family, a loveable sidekick, magical crazy-times, and all in a hundred words. Congrats Tia!

And I have rolled a die to decide the winner of the tweet contest, as any good D&Der does. That winner is... @blacklily_f! Congrats Melanie!

For your prizes, tell me what song you like and I'll sing it in Gollum's voice, or whatever character voice you and I can agree on. Feel free to email nanopals@gmail.com or just comment down here. Twitter works too, who cares!

Congrats to our winners and I'm only now left wondering who is going to pick up the torch for the next round... You've gotta be quick!

Pitch Party 2014 updtate: MO' PRIZE

UPDATE TIME!

Guys, it's time for a prize reveal. If you weren't aware, we're planning the dual events of PitchParty2014 for Jan 4th and 5th. On the 4th, we reveal our tweet-length pitches for the work we're looking to sell. On the 5th, a 100 word pitch (pasted and/or linked on here). After each, we talk and judge and people vote and ultimately I and my secretive panel of judges (yes they aren't all stuffed animals) and on the 6th, I will announce a winner!

Now, for a prize. There will be postcards sent out to all the runner-ups (or everyone, depending on how many of us there are) but the winner will get a special prize made all the more valuable by the fact that I will be embarrassing myself for your pleasure.

If you are crowned the ultimate PitchParty Winner, you will get to choose two things that will become one thing. First, you will choose any song (the more crazy singing, the worse this will be) and then you will choose one of these voices:

• Smeagle/Gollum
• Zap Brannigan
• Meatwad
• Darth Vader
• Some sort of horrid monster
• Dr. Zoidberg
• Sean Connery
• Krusty the Klown
• A variety of accents -- pretty much just choose.
• Or just make up/tell me to make one up. If I can't do it we'll work it out. :D

Then, as you may have been able to guess, I will sing your song in that voice. In video format, so you'll get a little extra absurdity in your package. There's a few more voices that I couldn't remember what characters they're from that I do but just ask, given enough practise, I can get almost anyone. 

You still have two weeks to get those pitches together! How can you describe your novel in 140 characters? 100 words? You'll be surprised which one is harder :D Feel free to send your early versions to me for tips and early reads! See you soon!

Pitch Party 2014!

It's that time of the year again! Pitches upon pitches! #Nanowrimo is over, and many of us have manuscripts worthy of attention. But we don't always know how best to sell those stories. I don't mean in the store, I mean to an agent, an editor, someone on the street. I'm not talking 1920's newpaper hawker, but there is something to shouting out your own work. And as with anything, practise is useful and important. Nobody does everything right the first time, unless the thing they're trying to do is nothing. We can all do that pretty well. 

Pitching takes practise, and why not pratise in an atmosphere of even criticism and support? The first #PitchParty (found here) was a blast, and we had a ton of fun. The winner got a postcard, a tirdition that I will be continuing since artists are all broke. There will be two rounds to the #PitchParty -- a Tweet round and a longer, 100 word blog pitch. Both of those things will be posted on this blog, and a totally impartial team of judges (hey psst I need two judges, email me evrardau @ gmail dot com!). These should be manuscripts you have either finished or have in editing, or at least real close to finished! :D

The Twitter #PitchParty will take place Saturday, Jan 4th, at a time to be determined soon, probably something like 8PM EST. During that hour, everyone who wants to will pitch one tweet-length pitch for their novel, including the hashtag. We'll discuss and laugh and have a good time and the next day (Jan 5th) everyone will post their 100 word pitch in the comments on the #nanopals blog. 

I WILL NOT BE DENIED THIS!

Er, hem. You will not be denied this! This is a great opportunity to have some fun and get some solid feedback on your pitch before you go ahead and make a hundred Gs selling it super well. BECAUSE YOU CAME TO THE PITCH PARTY. 

So, brief recap -- You've got a MONTH to prepare a tweet-length pitch AND a 100 word pitch. Tweets on Jan 4th, 100 word on Jan 5th, right here. We'll do a few prep sessions and spread the word beforehand, so use that #PitchParty hashtag! One real entry in each per person -- but feel free to send me your extras just to see if they're cool too :)

I'll see you soon!

@nanopals

Procrastipost!

Yeah hey look I'm not supposed to be here, okay. My MS is right there on the other side of the screen, and she's lookin' at me right ugly. The editing, the editing! The words control my life. But you know, sometimes you gotta be free, you gotta find a little YOU time. Which I'm going to spend on you. With a handy-dandy list of the editing I should be doing right now!

What am I doing right now? AHM EXORCISING MAH DEMONZ.
No, I'm not getting my vodka blessed then playing quarters with my old college roommate (a monster), nor am I going on a spirit journey. That's later. Instead, I am engaging in the incredible act of hunting down the demons in my MS, the dark spirits that cloud my text and obscure the beauty and power of the prose beneath! What the hell am I talking about?

THESE WORDS:

• SAW
• FELT
• HEARD
• KNEW
• AND
• SEEM/SEEMED
• THAT

I see you, spawn of Ghidora! Begone from my texts, begone from this earthly realm and never return! Well, not all of you. Sometimes I need you. But like, only on holidays. If we could just have a few little demon meetups once or twice a novel, that would be swell. 

In not-crazy person words: This selection of lexical items is a good tracker for words that can and should be ridden from your novel! All of these add clunk to sentences and break up pace. Stop seeing things! Stop hearing things, stop feeling things, just, you know, things. Imagine you are watching a movie and instead of the camera you had the cameraman, and you were just looking at his viewfinder the whole time, shaking and wobbling as he tries to keep up with the action until you realize you're on a goddamn set and Tom Cruise is just on a friggen treadmill. You've got some guy who is seeing everything for you. He maybe sends a telegram and lets you know what's going on in the action scene every few weeks -- who cares, you've stopped reading them.

Okay, so the crazy came back. All this has been said before by smarter people (read: here) but I'm giving you what I'm personally looking for right now. Ctrl-F->DELETE. Every sentence looks better, my Godzilla. Even if you don't have too many of these instances, and you already know this stuff, go through, because they are sneaky little buggers, and they get in all over the place.

Okay, I'm running back to my MS to murder these beasts. Too many run-on sentences given life by the necromantic powers of AND! Go back to your prison, you moster!

Day 4: Mind over Body (we all wish we could do it)

Mind over body. That's what I'm telling myself today, after having terrible bowel issues that I have been successfully avoiding for some months due to controlled diet. Somewhere in the past couple of days, I failed that diet, and I have been punished by the bacterial culture living in my gut. They decreed that those bacteria that process lactose were evil and sacreligious and exiled them from my stomach some years ago, after previously locking them in a fart-gulag.
The body is a horrible place, and everything about being made of meat is awful. That is why I like to write about things that aren't human! Robots and other superiour beings that don't have to look at the delicious melting cheeses that they once loved so very dearly and now can only gaze wistfully upon lest they eat even one tempting morsel and send themselves into a shit spiral that will last for days.
It's important to find the passion for your work, wherever it may come from. Most days, it's love of crazy wonderful things, or a desire for childhood fantasies to be real, or just wanting to be heard. Today, it's the rage and anguish I feel as a Frenchman towards lactose intolerance.
C'est la vie, c'est vrai, mais j'suis un ecrivant de science-fiction. Cette vie n'est pas la seule vie disponsible.
Nous faisons nos mondes propres.

Let's write some novels.

Day 3: It's like it never even ended

By this third day of #nanowrimo you've all either begun to remember what the last nano was like and are freaking out that you'll lose steam two weeks from now and nothing will ever be finished and oh god why or you're freaking out that you're behind on your count and oh god it'll never be finished why me...

Yeah, we've all been there before. But this is only day 3! The official count for today is only about 4000 words! YOU CAN GET THAT DONE TODAY IN TWO HOURS I BELIEVE IN YOU. Okay, probably not. In a perfect world, that's how I'd get it done. 1000 words every 30 minutes. The golden pace. But no, I'm never there. And you never are either! But that's okay. Because every moment we spend freaking out about our wordcount is time we should be using to fill our books with words.

Here is your mantra for the month, in fact, forever:

NO WORRIES ONLY WORDS. No worries only words. No worries only words! NO WORRIES ONLY WORDS!!! CHILDREN OF THE CORN AHHH

We've got 27 more days of nanowrimo, but you've got an eternity to worry about whether anything you do is good. For these next 27 days, just forget about that crap. Everything you do is good. And it'll be better when you edit it in December.

I'm trying to keep my face around the Forums for those in need, but if you see a thread that could use some Caps Lock Crusader action or see someone crying out for a #betabuddy, let me know!

Keep writing everyone, and I'll see you online :D Join me for a #wordsprint sometime!

Day 2: The envengening of fwords

Are you making up words? Chances are if you're writing fantasy or science fiction, you're making up far more than one. But almost any book can involve new language. Teen slang is an ever-changing miasma of made-up words. If your book has teenagers, you should probably have some kind of slang. Otherwise, they aren't really talking like teenagers.

But how make false words are too many? If I write out "The Glorxian sacrophods invexed the Halati metalikuds" you have some idea that <proper noun> <things> verbed some other <proper noun> <things>. But even if you have a degree in linguistics and figure out that the author was trying to suggest with the cross-linguistic "metalikud" that the Halati have a group that is above consolodation that doesn't really help you understand anything at all. But that's not because the words are made up, it's because you have no context for them. This is the first time you've seen these words, and they don't come with any context whatsoever, so you have no idea what they mean. If you provide the proper context, and make the language rich enough, (cough cough Elvish) everyone will want to learn that shizz. You know they made a whole language for the Avatar people? Cool, but no one actually cared about the language, because the world of that movie wasn't really compelling enough to make me want to pretend to be one.

Ooh, but what if someone's trying to take my unobtanium? Godzilla. If all your made up words are like unobtanium, then please, take all the made up words out. But for the rest of you, who have imaginations and intelligence, don't throw your made up words away. Sometimes they are beautiful, sometimes they enter the real language. I don't believe for a second that Shakespeare made up all the words English profs say "he" did -- I think that about 99% of them were common street language, which was never written down. And if you include a slang word that you and your friends use but nobody else, and it catches on? Think about grok, or frak. I at least hear those words pretty much daily. Frak is fun to say, and we all know what it means because it shows up exactly where fuck is supposed to be. But frak sounds funnier and doesn't come with any connotations other than BSG.

The key to getting your fwords into people's brains is to not make your book a language textbook, with long descriptions and definitions, but to leave those words like little crumbs of cake, a tantalising tidbit that you nab quickly and easily. Set a new word up with proper context, put in the proper grammatical slot and bam your readers will slurp up that word. Hell, if you make the language beautiful or compelling enough, people will learn the whole damn thing! Klingon appeals to those of us who love to yell consonants, Elvish to those who like to whistle and sing. My advice to making up words if you don't have any sort of academic linguistic knowledge is to just go with what sounds natural, and give us enough context to understand what it means. Don't give me a quiz on whether a lanitar has a long shaft or short shaft or whether the mechanism to create the spinning blade motion uses chains or gears or both. Just let me know that the mechanism whirrs as it slices through a thousand orks. (or orcs, whichever you want!!! Start a controversy over the spelling of your made up thing!!)

If you put in fwords sparsely towards the start, keep their usage consistent and supported, by the end of your book we'll be able to read "The Glorxian sacrophods invexed the Halati metalikuds" and go "OH SHIT!" instead of "Uh, what?" And that's what you're really going for.

2 days in, 28 more to go! Get those words, get those novels written!

Need Words? No Credit? NO PROBLEM!

Hello, and I am here to sell you the deal of a lifetime. That's right, fame and fortune can be yours, all yours. No strings attached, nothing scammy, nothing under the table. Except the dog, but that's where he's supposed to be. Can't have dogs sitting at the table, can we? Then there's no difference between them and us. Anyways -- I've got a deal for your. I know you've got a dream. You wanna write a novel.

OH I've heard that one before. Who doesn't say that? Everyone wants to write a novel. of course they do! But how many do? How many set up and say that and then finish? Not enough, i'll tell you that! Same as the gym, a few weeks after New Years and they're all empty. But what if I told you that I could guarantee you'd finish those fifty-thousand words?

Well, I can't. But you can. That's why I'm here. I'm here to make a deal with you, for that promise to fame and glory. I promise to badger you, to cheer you, to rabble-rouse and even jeer you, whatever it takes to help you make it down that line. I promise to sprint with you every day I am able, and to be unfailingly positive and faithful. Because it's hard to do that for yourself. But I know you can write these words. I know you have the power within yourselves to reveal the stories that live inside your minds. I believe you have the will and the fortitude to write just over a thousand words a day. For some of us, that's an hour's work, even less. For others, it's a whole day. We don't all have time to write slow. We don't all have time to write the best lines that there are. But that's not what #nanowrimo is about, and it's not what first drafts are about. They're about uncovering the bones, about laying the foundation. It's about transferring that story from your brain to a stable and permanent medium, before you refine it into art.

None of the words you write have to be perfect. None of the words you write have to be good. But you want them to be, and I believe you can do it. You just have to believe tha you know when something is wrong, and when you need to continue on. If your brain gives you another scene to write, write it. Maybe it will fit, maybe it wont, but you will learn something, and you will have those bloody words.

It's November first, and we've just begun. The road ahead is long, but also tragically short. Don't make every minute count. Don't make every word count. Just make words. I'll be here whenever you need aid, whenever you need to know that someone believes in you. And when we're all done, when that novel's written and ready to be edited into beautiful, magical art, then you'll find that the road to all that fame and glory just got a lot shorter.

Let's write a novel.